Reporting from Workstation 9

The curse of "can-can"!
Singapore, Singapore, the little city that was named after the delusionary sighting of a lion by a malay King on a hunting trip! "Singa"-pore! If I had to gender-alize, I would thin of it as a petit, hairless woman! "Hairless"?! I am sorry, but that is one thing I will keep harping on as long as I am in the company of Singaporeans(-Indians). Its so not fair that most southeast Asian women(and men) have no hair! Implying no waxing for life! I have been told that it's their obessive consumption of all things made of Soya(they even have soya softy's!) that has lead to towards this Eden of Blessedness! On the men, I am not so sure whether it's a good thing. Being born in a South Indian family, where the phrase "grow some hair" would translate to being more manly, I find it very difficult to get attracted to any hairless man.
The other thing that struck me is how healthy people here are. My lunch now consists of two yummy(no oil and crisp) vegetable dishes, rice and soya/fish. That implies, starch, vitamins and proteins everyday!! A big change from the largely cholestrol enhancing food I used to eat in Delhi.
Also, a lot of chinks work out every single day. Since boys have to compulsorily serve in the army for three years, it's not surprising to see six pack abs on everyone of them. As my friend put it " to keep up with their fit boyfriends, the girls also work out". In my fitness obsessed world, this place is heaven.
Now coming to the most amusing bit about Singapore..what's called as "Sing-lish". The Singaporean Accent is one of the cutest, at the same time most annoying, at the same time, most addictive of all accents. It even beats the mallu "braying" and [for "praying"]. You can master Singlish if you:
1) speak twice as fast as any normal person would
2) use the word "alight" to get of the bus/train/cab/your classroom seat
3) add "loa" to a word as and when you feel it has not been used in the last 5 words. To exemplify "What loa you say"?
4) Reply "can-can", when your answer to any question is afirmative. Or "no can" when negative.
5) And lastly, the not so subtle accent which can only be picked up after it is heard. Like "food court" will be pronounced "fudh caut"..and you have to say that very fast.
That's why most english speaking chinese seem to follow Indians rather than the English speaking singapore chinese.
I am afraid, that after making fun of them all the time, I am soon gonna start speaking like them. Please god save me!"Alright loaaa, I think I'll take leaveloaaa". Shit!!.